Well after the excitment of the earlier part of the week, my mind turns to the all encompassing problems of the world – alcohol.  Really the problem is that I am not drunk right now.  I suppose I would be if it weren’t for all the cough syrup with codiene…hold on……….Almost dropped the laptop….. tough to drive a back hoe and do a blog at the same time.  Remind me to call Miss Utility.

It has come to my attention that there are folks in the world that think the Irish have cornered the market on drinking, and that the English (and by extention the Welsh) must only sit around and only drink tea.  Oh LA-DEE-DAH.  Um do we as a people know so little about the rest of the world????  We see everything in terms of what the media sells us.  Could it be why politcs today is much less about a candidate’s qualifications, and much more about how the media portrays them.  Or how the campaigns can as politely slander the opponent……3rwea@#…..sorry got off track and dropped the laptop trying to open the cough syrup, damn child proof caps.  Let me get back to the important stuff.
I am not a well traveled man but I like to try and get a feel for other enthnicity and customs.  The one unifying cultural paradigm equal to religion is ALCOHOL.  Even in cultures that deny alcohol, its still a major point….or you wouldnt have to DENY it!  Remind me to talk about the Church of Brewology (I’m the high priest).
Of course, we could talk about Russia, where Alcoholism has lowered life expectancy,  something about the fact that Russians consider beer like Coke or Pepsi, and the more important fact that Vodka is cheaper the soda.   But what do we as a people know about the Russians….hmm  I know…..um…..nothing.  We need to have an unbias image of Russia and Russians.
So I intend to start a new standing paradigm for Russia.  They must need Sobriety Check Points.  They will go something like this:

Sobriety Check point Guard 1:  Гражданин..Have вы выпивая tonight?

Driver: No друг I haven’t.

Sobriety Check point Guard 1: (produces 2 liter bottle of Vodka) Here  Ввпейте это.

Sobriety Check point Guard 2:  (points rifle at driver)

Passanger: AAAAAЮЮЮЮЮЮЮ (runs from car)

Sobriety Check point Guard 1 & 2: (shoot passanger)

Driver: Вниз с люка (drinks the bottle)

Sobriety Check point Guard 1 & 2: Имейте славного гражданина ночи (wave as driver pulls away, swerving to hit a polar bear).

There you have it.  All I know or care to know about Russia.  Thanks to babel fish for another quality translation.

Well enough of spreading the good will, I need to hang up the cosmopolitan hat and get to important stuff here.

For those of us with kids, its a sad day for kids TV.  The woman who hosted PBSkids Sprout’s “Good Night Show” Melanie Martinez has been fired for a spoof PSA on “Technical Virginity” she did 7 years ago.

According to Paula Kerger,president of PBS, Martinez didn’t disclose her work in “Technical Virgin” before she was hired.

“She only revealed it after she found out it was posted on the Internet,” she said. “I think if she had revealed it up front, we probably would not have hired her because I think what we were looking for in the host of ‘Sprout’ is someone that is really representative of PBS.”

Yeah heaven forbid, hire someone who is a working actress, and a mother (I believe, but have no confirmation) and has a sense of humor (all too important if you do a kids show).  They need to represent PBS, so let the host be dry, withered, bunch o biddies that wear orthopedic shoes and their hair covered, Hey lets break out the Burka because we dont want to give the 2-5 year old crowd the wrong ideas.  Oh wait.  Burka…thats from a sexually repressed society that has no sense of humor………. need to take off the cosmoplitan hat again.
Now Samantha is a little old for it but Garrett is spot on and he really likes it .  I am sure that with Garretts attention span he will not miss her.  Television is a voiltile thing.  But the idea that she was fired because of a spoof, no nudity, no curse words (I hate to say that anal sex are not curse words), just a spoof.

Ill miss her, she did a good job.  But the Star thing I just never was able to wrap my mind around…..

peace and …. grease

Please send Samantha a card if you can.  She broke her wrist at her camp on Monday.  We spent a glorious 7 hours in the ER.  Apparently they were understaffed…and for a while the hospital was closed.

But there were some humours parts to all this.  It seems a metro bus bust into flames outside the hospital and flames shot 40 feet in the air and the tires exploded.  Oh how I wished for fun like that.  I held Sam’s not broke hand for 4-5 hours before they got to the procedure.  Nothing says “ITS MONDAY” more than listening to your daughter cry, then have various alarms go off because of below line heart rate or blood presure.

I thought this SHIT wouldn’t drill into my brain….Its been 5 and 1/2 YEARS since GArrett was born.  Who knew that the hurt could still be there.

peace

I miss her, who she could have been

I would like to say Happy Anniversery to the greatest person in the whole world. Stacey I Love You!

Many of you may not know but Stacey “Has it ALL” along with the super powers of keeping toilet paper in the bathroom, oh yes there is sooooo much more.

peace and I love you grease

**edit**   Stacey says that its only “Frugal Fanny” is the one who says she has it all…..But she is wrong

As many of you may know I cant write my way out of a paper bag, I arent just not that good. But after listening to WTOP I realized that I could do radio news and/or promo. It could be the fault of the on air personality trying to paraphrase, but the news bite in question was about BBQ.

BBQ you may ask? A marvelous subject Newsworthy? not when it has to do with President Bush’s trip through Germany visiting the G-8 nations to drum support for……oh nothing much….like….Iranian and North Korean Nuclear issues…..Israel attacking Lebanon…..

-sigh-

The news report mentioned that OUR President picked up a VERY SHRAP KNIFE and cut some BURNT, CHARRED meat off a pig in Germany.

Now there is now way to catch the inflections here in the written word, but the way it sounded to me was “This 5 year old picked up an incredibly sharp knife and slashed his own arm off.”

A VERY SHARP KNIFE??? Oh MY GOD! and he just PICKED IT UP? I almost drove off the road into Rock Creek.
Not that I think that W is the brightest bulb in the 6-pack but he is not a child. He is from Texas, and although he didn’t go to Viet Nam, he has gone hunting before.

So I decided to write my own news spot that was just as relavent

**********

Washington DC – President Bush today urinated for 73 SECONDS, in what some DC insiders are calling the Watergate 2K6. White House Chief of Staff, Joshua B. Bolton stated that “…it seemed like an eternity, but it wasn’t his longest. It was probably because I was waiting to use the facilities next.”

Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt was on hand to confirm the outcome. “The President NEEDS to generate about 2-2.5 liters of urine a DAY, to promote renal and prosatate health” said Leavitt, who then quietly left the hallway after realizing no one there knew what a ‘Renal’ was or, more importantly, no one could figure out how much a liter was.

An unnamed source (VP Dick Cheney) said that this incident did “Not need to be sprayed all over the news” but refused to comment further, citing he was late for a flight, to go hunting with Karl Rove.

President Bush seemed unconcerned about statments that he was causing a backlog in the hallway.

*********

I should just leave the writing to Stacey

peace and nitro grease